You people make me sick

An open letter to people so obese they have to navigate Sam's Club via a Rascal Scooter just to buy large volumes of Cracker Jacks and Pop Tarts

Please don't.

Random but effective ways to lose your job

get caught masturbating furiously to pictures of your boss' family.

leave copies of exotic porn on your desk: fat broads, over 50, and barely legal will suffice.

whenever someone asks you a question, stare back at them and suck your teeth for 30 seconds before you respond.

when someone asks you what you're doing this week, mumble something about killing kittens. chuckle.

make sure everyone can hear while you talk about how bad your boss/secretary needs to get laid.

keep a bottle of urine under your desk.